Where are all the ugly country music singers?

There is a dire shortage of ugly singers in Nashville. Has anyone else noticed?

In a previous post I talked about how today’s Country music bands are not sticking it to the Man the way the Rock bands used to. Now it’s time to point out the other big problem in Nashville – the lack of ugly people.

Don’t get me started about how pretty or handsome all the Country music singers are nowadays. There really must be a shortage of ugly people in Nashville. Every female Country singer is drop dead gorgeous and every male singer is handsome and comes complete with the requisite cheek scruff, cowboy hat and a pair of old faded jeans torn across the knees. And they’re all singing about beer and pickup trucks.

muddy pickup truck
Time to write a song…

With only a few notable exceptions, almost all of the male Country singers look the same nowadays. The only difference is that some of them wear black cowboy hats, which I guess promotes the bad boy image, and some of them wear white cowboy hats to signify, you guessed it, that they’re the nice guys that can be taken home to meet mama.

As for the female singers it amazes me how the record companies in Nashville seem to be able to find some of the most attractive women in America that just happen to be able to sing. What a coincidence. My heart breaks for the ugly chicks in Nashville that have great singing voices. They might as well keep waiting tables at the diner because no chick that looks like a road mule is ever going to be given a shot at the limelight in Nashville.

Mule

Say what you want about Rock music but it has always had its share of ugly people. Let’s face it, few guitarists will ever top what Jimi Hendrix gave us but everyone knows Hendrix wasn’t exactly a teen heartthrob. But it didn’t matter what he looked like, all that mattered was what came out of his Fender Stratocaster. It was amazing to say the least and has yet to be equaled by anyone, pretty or ugly, Rock or Country. But if he were alive today and wanted to sing and play guitar in Nashville, the record executives would laugh him right out of town because he wouldn’t fit the template.

And in its heyday Rock music also had its fair share of singers and guitarists that had their lives cut short by booze, drugs and plane crashes. It just came with the lifestyle. Most Country singers nowadays are such upright citizens that they couldn’t say the word shit even if they had a mouthful of it, much less die in a puddle of their own vomit with a coke spoon up their nose. Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying Country singers should go out and do that stuff, I’m just drawing a comparison. The squeaky-clean image today’s Country singers project is commendable, and I know many of them are good role models for our young people so I applaud them for it. Honestly, I do. But call me old school. Sometimes I like to hear music from a singer that went out in a blaze of whiskey-fueled glory or cashed in his chips in a fiery plane crash.

beer cans
I just know there’s a song idea in there somewhere…

I’m not the only one that’s on to the scheme being played out in Nashville. People are starting to notice that almost every single Country song nowadays is about drinking beer and riding in a pickup truck. And some influential people are starting to talk about it.

Nashville has got to break free of the template that it has drawn for today’s Country bands. If it doesn’t, pretty soon Country music will just degenerate into nothing more than pop music with a twang. Sadly, it is more or less already there.

And to the record company executives, please, I implore you – give some ugly people a shot. What could it hurt? Who knows, they just might have something to sing about besides beer and pickup trucks.

3 thoughts on “Where are all the ugly country music singers?”

  1. Hmmmmm.I’m regarded cover boy handsome,frequently wear a cowboy hat and Wranglers,am attempting to be a Country songwriter,but because I’m BLACK,even if I weren’t 62,Country stations and labels would pass on me!!!!

  2. Well,they’d laugh Handrix out of Nashville because he was black,not ugly!!!!!(Perhaps were I ugly,I’d have been a Country singer,since those good ol’ boy record label owners CERTAINLY wouldn’t want a handsome black lad such as I being a heartthrob to those buxom Beckys and Blossoms!!!!!!

  3. I mean,”They’d laugh HENDRIX out of Nashville because he was black,NOT because he was ugly!!!!!!”

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *